Amazing Tales

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 01:16:57 GMT

I guess we can all agree on that.

NSFW - language

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:33:24 GMT

The meanest thing the arresting officer of a streaker can say is "Nothing to see here, folks"

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:31:31 GMT

I suspect my anti-depressants (which I have recently begun to take regularly again after being a bad patient for a while) make my mouth taste foul. It tastes bad. Foul. And it means that in addition to bad-taste-mouth, I am constantly paranoid about my breath and yet have no-one to ask about it. My roommates and I are just not close enough to take that step.

It is driving me crazy.

I would hate to be at my most-attractive and have it all be voided by halitotic interference. I did not lose the weight equivalent to a child of ten, gain muscle, become a national-class lover, and learn how to appear almost human just to have it all thrown out because of forgetting to bring gum on a date. And we all know that rank mouth wind trumps even the raddest bod and smoothest lines.

I have brushed my teeth 5 times today so far. Gargled with mouthwash 3 times. I eat a balanced diet of both carbs and proteins. Drink much water. Have not consuming pungent comestibles.

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:21:18 GMT

Friends, you must start making grosteque amounts of money.

For I have realized: like Wilde before me, I have only the skills to be a professional Guest.

In exchange for gifts, lodging, food, and vacations, I can provide wit, stability, various psychological services, move heavy things, train animals, use my vast paranoiac knowledge of STDs when you're freaking out about a chance encounter, bring mad variety, list long and context-dependent dating spots/events, act as a sort of low-danger last-resort bodyguard, provide honest and strangely specific feedback, and encourage trips to the Zoo. If we bring action figures to the zoo it becomes an EVEN BIGGER ADVENTURE.

Friends, I was MADE to be in an entourage. Lord knows I do not have the attention span to survive a real job.

All I need is a guest house, spurrious income, and an internet connection.

And for one of you to hit it ridiculously big-time.

And when you do, oh yes, remember: you can't trust people you meet after you make it big. They only want you for your money and fame. I was your friend beforehand. And was honest with you about the whole wanting to mooch off you someday thing while making it clear that being your friend is not contingent upon being able to mooch.

Evan WILDE!

YEAH

Yeah.

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:31:44 GMT

"Loneliness ceases to be profound when one is loved. And so, those who are loved have no sympathy for those who are unloved."

...

"Loneliness is an emptiness which, once filled, feels so natural a completion that it often makes the once-lonely forget the wide, bleak plain that once surrounded them."

...

"We are social creatures, us. If we cannot find another to be sociable with, it is easy for us to become our own whole world, self-devouring. Our interests come to define us, our minds become the only minds, and we pull taut together the open wound of loneliness. Like sewing a stuffed animal shut so that one does not see the stitching, we turn ourselves inside out for protection and sustenance. Our hungry mouths are filled with our own blood and our bones are turned outward where once our skin was stuck to armor us against an unwelcoming world."

- "Empty Yellow Hearts: The World of 'Persecus'" by Mrs. M. Carls

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 21:57:37 GMT

"April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain."
-American sports legend, Charles Barkley

via MSPaint Adventures

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 21:05:19 GMT

"Lately, the answer has surprisingly often been 'Cut off their thumbs' to many of the problems encountered by both myself and those of my acquaintance"
-T. Ledbette

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 03:56:38 GMT

"The odds of any past event occuring are always '1'"
-Mike Estee

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:39:22 GMT

I really need a drum set. Even an electronic one.

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:36:42 GMT

St. Petersburg and Drugs: Photo Essay

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:30:01 GMT

Cliff Richard - Devil Woman

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 02:12:28 GMT

Muppetstar Galactica

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 03:18:07 GMT

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copperheads_(politics)
- Opponents of the Civil War. Coined phrase "Abraham Africanus"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cora_Pearl
- Famous, humanitarian "kept woman". Many lovers, bright, brilliant, incredibly, explicitly sexual. Once served with cream.

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 22:35:35 GMT

What is the best way, without using straps, to attach a fake nose?

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:51:06 GMT

I think I will go as Argos Panoptes for Halloween this year.

Blue guy with a ton of eyes and some peacock feathers. I may need to find some cheap, tawdry blue eye-shadow.

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:36:31 GMT

The most terrifying thing I've seen come out of the Darkwing Duck cartoon.

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:13:39 GMT

Simplified WWI

&

Simplified WWII

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:17:49 GMT

Argle.

$770 for a low-impact, less-than-5mph fender bender? Incredibly minor damage!

It knocked some teeth off his cheap plastic bumper. BARELY knocked them. They are still there. You can fix that without getting a whole new bumper.

Ridiculous.

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:48:40 GMT

Zouave

Would be a great title for a boring Hard Sci-Fi War Novel

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:37:25 GMT

The Armory Wars

Transmission of Perceptions of Stimulus Salience Through Non-Verbal Cues: Contagious Yawning

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 21:06:15 GMT

Interesting:

So, yawning helps cool the brain. This helps maintain attention and processing efficiency. The basic metaphor is that of cooling a computer.

Yawning can be contagious. Why? Because if an individual notices that others are fighting the urge to rest, that others are showing that attention needs to be maintained, then as social communal critters it makes sense to react similarily. In the same way we typically respond to the facial expressions of others, and so tend to pick up on and mirror the emotional states of those around us, we respond to a non-emotional but perception-based cue. See, this is neat because it shows both how non-verbal cues can transmit perceived values and qualities/traits, both of behavior and situations/stimuli, and how many such cues are derived from basic practical behaviors not meant to be communicative.

But why do we yawn when bored? Because the scenario we are forced to be paying attention to offers sub-optimal cognitive arousal, often while forcing us to remain primarily immobile. Taken together, these are typically the cues that tell us to sleep because A) it's safe and B) we may as well not waste our precious, precious energy. But why fake yawning to show that you're bored? Because you're implying that the stimulus alone is not nearly enough to maintain your attention. So, if there is an absence of context and cues that suggest you may be yawning out of unrelated low energy levels, the perception shifts from you-individual to the stimulus-value. Of course, if as an observer you have certain preconceptions about the interest of the stimuli (i.e. you're nervous about the presentation you're about to give, uncertain of whether it's actually interesting to anyone else OR you're really tired but believe that the stimulus you're viewing MUST be interesting even if it doesn't feel that way), you may misinterpret these cues. For example, if you're a morning person teaching a class full of night owls, your perceptual set leads you to suspect you're being boring even if this is not the case. Similarly, if you're teaching in the mid-afternoon and everyone is yawning, but you're a self-confident type, you may assume you have a class full of sleep-neglecters instead of allowing the idea that you're a dull ol' punt to enter your thick muddy brainstem that is all that is left of your much alcohol- and academia-dissolved brain.

Also interesting: the interpretation of this cue is taken into a personal context. If you are already attending to a topic with a good deal of attention, you're less likely to be affected by the yawning of others. Essentially, it may be that the interest-cues of those around you are acknowledged, weighted, and considered to essentially mirror your pre-existing perception of the stimulus' value. Another variable is degree of active empathy: some people are either more socially perceptive, more socially pliable, or both. These individuals are more likely to be susceptible to the yawn-plague.

When you approach humans as semi-collective intelligences, much more of their behavior becomes a damn sight clearer. We're closer to ant than tiger. And if it keeps on, hoo, it'll be like watching the transition from single-celled to multi-celled life. Except single-bodied to multi-bodied.

For better or worse: remember that your body is, essentially, a kind fascism. And that your skin was born to consume, reproduce, and die on the front lines.

Just a thought, friends.

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 19:47:23 GMT

Up to 45 pushups.

Bully for me.

Already Drawn Conclusions

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 01:48:53 GMT

All the hip girls I know have at least one major friend named "Pat".

I have none.

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 01:46:24 GMT

No, fuck it. I hate the word "poltroon". There's no other way around it. You* pretentious, if occasionally innocent, ass.

*In the general sense. Not you, the reader. In this case, the context is more as though you, the reader, are overhearing me either talking to another or muttering to myself. Like a crazy man.

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 22:13:31 GMT

Beautiful Glass and Dome And Steel and Sphere and Statue Tower